I had to learn what gentle nourishment of self, meant.
Like what it looked like and felt like—
Most everything leading up to that point felt like a war within.
Two parts of myself fighting each other, but I could only ever hear the that part of me that likes to talk over the other.
The mean girl.
The one that constantly berates, breathing insults down the back of my neck.
When the easy thing to do, is to go towards harshness
Take a breath and sway into the parts of yourself that you know are soft.
Believe those parts instead.
That tell you all is well.
That tell you it’s ok.
That tell you it’s ok that you’re not perfect because you’ll never be, but that you are loved, endlessly.
These parts speak the tenderness you need.
The tenderness you crave.
These parts speak the truth.
Has the hardness ever worked before?
I know that it hasn’t from my own experience.
It only perpetuates the cycle like the dirty laundry on a continuous wash— never getting clean.
So, reach into the well of your soul and turn up the volume of the part of you that knows how to love you— that part of you that knows what you need and how you need it.
This part of you, when you tune into it enough, has the capacity to lovingly embrace and quiet the part of you that feels the fear and wants to remind you, how scared it is—
I know it tells you you’re not good enough and attempts to make you believe that you’re unworthy and you’ll never get it right.
But it’s bullshit.
And so, when you do that—
When you search for that voice over the obtrusive one
The one that isn’t abusive to your heart and soul.
This is where you have the opportunity to pivot—
Towards the gentle loving part of you, that’s been silenced.
And it’s this,
Over and over again, until that voice is the one that speaks up first.
And then, after enough practice, it becomes second nature.
You’re not broken.
You don’t need to be fixed.
You’ve just silenced the part of you that is infinite love.
Turn up the volume on that and turn it up loud.
All else is just Noise. Static.
With no truth, whatsoever.