Complicit to Complacency


I told myself at the age of 22 I would never settle— some part of me, I like to believe was wise, back then— as we all are, underneath it all— but the truth is, I was living a drama-filled existence with a lot of learning things the hard way and settling amidst those things. I didn’t know any better because I thought I knew it all. That doesn’t leave too much room for growth. 

The thing I am loving so much right now, about where I am, in my life, is being able to see clearly, in hindsight with deep understanding and acceptance of why it all went down exactly the way it did— the way that it had to, in the way that was best for my soul’s evolution… it absolutely had to be this way and all the ways for the growth that has stretched me beyond recognition. I would have never believed you, had you told me, this would be my life, ten years ago. 

I am in a space of pure surrender and awe. In a space of pure trust. Even as I write this, my faith is in, that what is coming through, is deeply needed. That what you’re reading, was placed on my heart, in order to meet you, in yours.

All of the rocky roads and painful, trying times have brought me to a place of deep understanding. To a place of knowing exactly who I am and exactly what I want. And most importantly, a place of understanding that my way, my very human way, probably wasn’t the best or easiest way, which in turn taught me to hand over the reigns— to be guided rather than trying to guide. 

I wouldn’t change a thing because I first had to experience all of it— all of what I am not— and all of what I do not want— in order to be discerning enough to choose and know the difference. Maybe after all, the struggle serves a deep purpose, because it has brought me to a very sweet surrender. 

Have you ever thought of it in that way? How the contrast of life is so needed and necessary? Without darkness how could we ever appreciate the light? We’d have nothing to measure it against… nothing to compare it to. If things were good all the time, there would be no growth, or transformation. 

Understanding this, led me to a new place of appreciation. Appreciation of things I once didn’t understand— but in hindsight, the clarity I have now, stemmed from confusion. It’s fucking profound. 

The painful experiences, have busted me wide open. And given me such a deep appreciation of what no longer hurts. What’s been hard, has allowed me to lean in into what is now easy. 

And the idea of not wanting complacency in life, first had to come with being complacent.


Scared shitless to step outside of the box I had built around my life. 

Scared to jump, afraid that I would land on flat on my face, rather than be caught— or grow wings on the way down. 

Humans are creatures of habit. We like to know what’s coming next and then control our way to knowing. We don’t like the unknowns and uncertains— and instead of making the dreaded leap, we tend to stay in things we’ve outgrown because we don’t know what comes next. And a very real fact about us humans… in a sea of infinite possibilities we tend to choose the worst one, without even knowing the true outcome. We go along with the fear based ideas, that keep us stuck in an infinite time loop of smallness, and sometimes, we give up, before it’s time, to lessen the pain, of it all potentially going wrong. 

I’ve been trying to understand my own fear, recently. Staring at it, sitting in it, listening to what it tries to tell me, in an attempt to understand its purpose in my life. It wants to keep me safe— but safe doesn’t serve me, because I want a big life. 

What I’ve found in my own experience, is that when I try to control the uncontrollable, I become extremely rigid. I don’t wanna be rigid— so, my life has become about flexibility and sway. “Be more like water” my inner guide says to me, as I once again lean into the current of life. 

So, I’m opening myself to the idea of things— because why not? Im letting those big ideas and dreams in, because even though fear is prevalent, it no longer has control over me, because I am bigger than it. 

So sometimes it’s just easing into it, one foot, then the next, and getting a feel of the water… instead of diving in, head first. 

You dive when it feels like hell yes— and recently, it’s been about easing myself in, especially when the path has not been super clear. 

One foot then the next, but forward movement, nonetheless because, when life is calling you forward into something you will know.

And this is the moment you have to choose.

Stay or evolve. Comfort or growth. 

Life has been calling me forth, into trust— And when you’re in that space— the space of the unknown, it’s cloudy— and it’s the only choice you have. 


So yeah, it’s scary— trusting something you can’t see. 

But do you know whats amazing about it? Seeing the evidence show up, when you show up— evidence that you are guided, held and supported. And so— self-doubt and fear aside, when life is calling you forward, it’s stay… or go. 

So… What’s stirring inside your soul? 

What feels like a hell yes, from within? 

Maybe you know 

Or maybe you don’t— 

Maybe it’s time to get quiet and listen. 

Or maybe it’s time to say 

fuck the fear and leap. 

Or maybe… it’s dipping your foot in as if to say, I trust my path even though I can’t see it. 

You can’t grow inside a box. 

A box built for safety. 

and there is always a choice. 

Life is a series of instances such as these. This flux has taught me that in my committing to growth it will always be this continuum— of saying no to the fear, and yes to what’s on the other side of it, over and over and over again. 

You want a big life? 

It requires a bigger box. 

If you needed a sign— here it is. 

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